Sunday, September 28, 2008

The Last Swear Words Standing

As everyone who knows me knows, I have a terrible potty mouth. I think I told my future father in law to f-off while playing pass the pigs mere hours after meeting him. My mother-in-law actually gave a wonderful speech at our wedding where she discussed my swearing like a sailor and concluded by saying she loved me sh*tloads.

Well, since I started working in a real office for the federal government I have tried to curtail my swearing. I used to just swear on the weekends and try to refrain from saying even mild (in my opinion) words like shit at work. This was a pretty big challenge for someone who used to regularly use the f word. I actually say freaking now which is something that I used to make fun of people like Peter Hodum for saying (it seemed so Leave it to Beaverish at the time). There are only a couple of swear words that I still regularly use and that is crap and Jesus. A person still needs an expletive now and then for crap sake.

But now, even these little gems are going to have to go. Lucy now regularly says, "Jesus" with lots of drama. And the other day she said, "Where is all my crap?" I also say that she is being a pain in my butt, which she now also says. So now all of these things are going to have to go. Is this even possible? While I think it is hilarious when Lucy says this stuff, it probably won't be that charming outside of our house. Plus, I just picture her saying Jesus to a bunch of people who believe in Jesus and that's not very nice. Besides, it might even turn out that she will believe in Jesus. I don't want her to be the one with the atheist parents who gets blamed when someone tries to shoot the republican president (this actually happened to me. I got in a couple of dust-ups at school after all the kids said that my dad was the one who shot Ronald Reagan). If I don't want her to get into fights over Ronald Reagan, then it's probably best that she doesn't go around saying Jesus all the time.

So I will do my best to replace jesus with jeez, god with gosh, and crap with, well, I'll have to think on that one.

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