Sunday, May 10, 2009
Mothers Days are a Mixed Bag
My mom died a couple of weeks after Mothers Day in 1999. She died unexpectedly and of a preventable illness (kidney stint wasn't replaced, dislodged, perforated her bowel, went misdiagnosed, resulting in a full body infection that was treated with ineffective antibiotics and subsequently killed her). My mom and I were very close and she loved me like pretty much nobody else (as mom's do). My dad loves me too of course, but Moms and dads are not the same (equally good in their own way).
Anyway, mothers day always amps up the amount that I miss my mom. I pretty much miss my mom all the time and lots of things remind me of her, but I miss her an extra amount on mothers day. I wish she was here to talk to, to make caustic comments, to send me lovely cards and letters and silly things at halloween and easter and every other minor holiday (valentines, etc., etc.). I wish she was here so I could send her bulbs and gardening tools and funny books on mothers day. I would have loved the opportunity to talk to her about being a mom and all of the crazy things that go along with that.
So now, along with the sadness of missing my mom, I also have the joy of my own girls. I have Lucy waiting all weekend to help me open an envelope of coupons she has made me for mothers day plus some random cut out pictures of cats that she immediately took for her purse. I have Josie taking headers off the coffee table and laughing like a crazy person.
So mothers day, like life, is a mixed bag.
Here are a couple of lists to summarize:
List 37.8: Things that make me miss my mom
10. Mothers Day
9. Tomatoes from the garden
7. NPR - pretty much all of it
6. The democratic party (my mom was a crazy serious democrat)
4. Anytime I hear anything hilarious and sarcastic
3. Jogging shoes
2. Good books
List 37.9 Some great things about the girls
10. So many funny phrases (tonight "bread the butter" from Josie)
9. So many cute faces (even the mad ones are cute)
8. The honesty (Me: "did you hit your sister?" Lucy: "No. o.k., yes I hit her.")
7. The enthusiasm (even when they are mad they are enthusiastic about it)
6. The cuddling
5. The lack of fear (they will jump off of anything)
4. Their constant observations on all things
3. Sharing things (not toys of course, but gardening, reading, listening to music)
2. Being able to give them stuff (I know, I am a horrible capitalist, but I do love giving them stuff - but not to the point of conspicuous consumption)
1. The LOVE!!
P.S. Thanks to Mitch for an awesome mothers day
P.p.s. I may be making progress as a parent. I lived through one of Lucy's hellish snitty periods today without threatening violence or yelling and we turned the corner on the crappy mood and had a great time finding Joey the turtle and getting balloons at Trader Joes.